Monday, February 25, 2008

2007 True Stella Awards. Outragous True Lawsuits that Won Big Money

The 2007 True Stella Awards - Outragous True Lawsuits that Won Big Money

Issued February 2008
(Click here to confirm these are legitimate.)

#3: Sentry Insurance Company. The company provided worker's compensation insurance for a Wisconsin "Meals on Wheels" program. Delivering a meal, a MoW volunteer (who was allegedly not even wearing boots) slipped and fell on a participant's driveway that had been cleared of snow, and Sentry had to pay to care for her resulting injuries. Sentry wanted its money back, so it sued the 81-year-old homeowner getting the Meals on Wheels service. It could have simply filed for "subrogation" from her homeowner's insurance company, but by naming her in the action, it dragged an old lady into court, reinforcing the image of insurance companies as concerned only about the bottom line, not "protecting" policyholders from loss.

#2: The family of Robert Hornbeck. Hornbeck volunteered for the Army and served a stint in Iraq. After getting home, he got drunk, wandered into a hotel's service area (passing "DANGER" warning signs), crawled into an air conditioning unit, and was severely cut when the machinery activated. Unable to care for himself due to his drunkenness, he bled to death. A tragedy, to be sure, but one solely caused by a supposedly responsible adult with military training. Despite his irresponsible behavior -- and his perhaps criminal trespassing -- Hornbeck's family sued the hotel for $10 million, as if it's reasonably foreseeable that some drunk fool would ignore warning signs and climb into its heavy duty machinery to sleep off his bender.

But those pale compared to...

The winner of the 2007 True Stella Award:

Roy L. Pearson Jr. The 57-year-old Administrative Law Judge from Washington DC claims that a dry cleaner lost a pair of his pants, so he sued the mom-and-pop business for $65,462,500. That's right: more than $65 million for one pair of pants. Representing himself, Judge Pearson cried in court over the loss of his pants, whining that there certainly isn't a more compelling case in the District archives. But the Superior Court judge wasn't moved: he called the case "vexatious litigation", scolded Judge Pearson for his "bad faith", and awarded damages to the dry cleaners. But Pearson didn't take no for an answer: he's appealing the decision. And he has plenty of time on his hands, since he was dismissed from his job. Last we heard, Pearson's appeal is still pending.


©2007 by Randy Cassingham, StellaAwards.com. Reprinted with permission.

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Thursday, February 21, 2008

10 Best Pickup Lines. 10 Worst Pickup Lines

10 Best Pickup Lines. 10 Worst Pickup Lines

A pickup line is the line that you use to make a casual acquaintance with a woman in anticipation for dating or even sex. here are the proven best and worst in pickup lines that men use.

Number 10 "I was wondering if you have a moment to spare for me to hit on you?"
This one is relatively original and seems innocent enough for her to take notice, without feeling threatened by you. You'll also effectively send the message that you're interested in her, but are more interested in making her smile.

Number 9 "What's a sexy woman like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?"
A fairly underused line, this one conveys that you find her hot, without sounding offensive. Show her you can be a bad boy and see if she likes your direct approach with the ladies.

Number 8 "Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package."
This one is fairly blunt (no pun intended), but it's the perfect one to use when you see a woman giving you the eye and, well, checking out your package. Since she may feel a bit uneasy, you should take the opportunity and strike up a conversation while you have the upper hand.

Number 7 "Who's your friend?"
This one is risky, but it will shatter any pretense she might have about your actions by shifting the focus on her friend. This will intrigue her, to say the least, as she will wish to know "hey, how come not me?"

Number 6 "I'm new in town and can't find my way around; could I have directions to your place?" The line itself isn't that great, but city newcomers are always refreshing people to speak with, and they also seem less threatening. It's highly unlikely that she'll shrug off your request to chat, and she'll probably laugh (if she has a sense of humor). The probability that she replies with a "where from?" is even higher. Do not use if you are actually a local.

Number 5 "I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you."
Believe it or not, only good-looking guys should use this one, since they'll be viewed as modest. If a guy uses this and he is ugly, then it's a sign of insecurity, which is a huge a turnoff. Generally, this line passes because it proves that the guy is down-to-earth. It will surely throw her off guard as she might get offended. Use with caution.

Number 4"You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy."
If you ever spot an attractive woman and would like to approach her, this line is funny in a childish manner and women tend to laugh off funny lyrics such as this one.

Number 3 "What's your name?"
Instead of saying something like, "baby, we're like two banks: we both have interest in each other and we should merge," this one is simple and will not insult her intelligence. It may be the oldest one in the book (well, "come here often?" takes that award), but this one is genuine and direct -- two important qualities.

Number 2 "See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute."
Extremely original, this line will make you stand out from the pack. This line virtually guarantees that she will smile. You may not leave with her that night, but you may get her phone number or at least chat it up for a while.

Number 1 "So what haven't you been told tonight?"
Very original, this line will make you stand out from the other men. You acknowledge that she has been getting hit on all night and you do not wish to add to her frustration. However, you are confident and interested enough to try your luck without insulting your intelligence.

10 worst pickup lines

Number 10 "Hey, I was just thinking of you! Okay, I'm all cleaned up now though."
This line is fairly crude and implies that you have the stamina of a 12-year-old, so it'll only tempt her to leave the room rather than leave with you .

Number 9 "How would you like your eggs for breakfast: scrambled, boiled or fertilized?"
This one may be funny, but it's also a tad presumptuous. Women generally dislike sexual references, as well as men who assume they can conquer any women they meet. To add insult to injury, it alludes to pregnancy; not a smart move.

Number 8 "What do you say we go back to my place and do some math? Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply!"
She may like the fact that you have a solid grasp of mathematics, but she will also assume you're the pocket protector-wearing type. And thanks to the pickup line's length, she will be history by the time you carry over the one.

Number 7 "You might as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell everybody we did it anyway."
This one is provocative and funny, but chances are it might garner you a slap across the face. On the other hand, she might counter with, "you'd better tell them I was good," but don't count on it.

Number 6 "Hey babe, do you know that my bedroom is soundproof?"
This one seems good at first, but it connotes that you will get action that night. Again, pretty presumptuous. On a scarier note, it also implies that if you do get her to your place, she could scream for help and no one would hear... pass.

Number 5 "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag."
Okay, so you know what Braille is... good for you. You may need it after she gouges your eyes out for insinuating that you could fondle her breasts without consequence. Generally speaking, lines that could be used at porn conventions are of no use in mainstream settings.

Number 4"I just want to tell you that you have a price to pay for being this cute, and I'm here to collect... your phone number, that is."
It's fairly witty, but drags on for too long. And she'll expect some celebrity to burst onto the scene and pitch you a collect-call phone program.

Number 3 "Did you know women are like parking spots? All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. Which are you?"
Mr. Sensitive, "come on down!" Comparing women to cement on which cars are parked will not get you far, while implying that a woman is handicapped if she's single is going to put you in the ER.

Number 2 "Can I buy you a drink or do you prefer the cash instead?"
As a general rule, implying that she is a hooker will not work. Leave that for the streetwalker get-togethers and offer her a drink instead.

Number 1 "If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?"
Are you asking her whether or not she's a virgin? Why not ask her whether it's that time of the month while you're it? Leave the references to her box and your tools out of the dialogue, if you want to leave the bar in one piece.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

CrystalClear Meth Withdrawl. Help Get Of Meth Naturally

CrystalClear Meth Withdrawl. Help Get Of Meth Naturally



No matter how hopeless you feel because of your addiction to Meth, no matter how much you've endangered your way of life, your health and all that you love.

You're not alone.
You can fight back.
There are tools to help you recover from your addiction.


Let us show you a way to help you to a drug-free life, a way that can tame cravings, stabilize moods, help a body that's been damaged by drugs, clear the "mental fog" during the day and help you sleep soundly at night.

It's the CrystalClear™ Sytem, and it:

Is an ideal complement to your addiction counselling and groups. Doesn't rely on prescription medications to get you free. May be fully compatible with your prescription detox (consult your physician to find out for sure).Is developed and approved by health care professionals with years of experience in addiction study and treatment.Is embraced by addiction counselors as a safe, effective part of your overall program of recovery.

If you're wondering:
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So far, doctors have tried a number of approaches including the prescription drugs that are meant to combat cigarette smoking, or various combinations of drugs, psychotherapy, and other treatments. But these approaches have come up short. Even many of the folks in 12-step programs have struggled with relapse.

As you are experiencing right now, speed is such a strong addiction that it can be a major challenge to those approaches.

The withdrawal from speed can be more harsh than from other addictions in the way cravings manifest themselves with an incredible intensity, and the way a foggy, mushy drag takes hold of everything you do, making you believe you'll never be "normal" again… not to mention the nightmarish cycle of desperately wanting to get free but feeling unable to resist the cravings for the high, followed by feelings of failure and self-hatred.

CrystalClear™ can help you break free
CrystalClear™ is a new weapon in your personal arsenal of tools against your addiction. Holistic health experts developed this 4-part system knowing full well that this is a life or death struggle – and without serious, effective help, many would lose.

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Speed addiction is nothing to be trifled with or played at – and the developers of this natural system made sure to carefully address this addiction and its cravings, mood swings, physical effects, nutritional compromises and physical, mental and emotional extremes.

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Thursday, February 14, 2008

iPhone. All The New Things You Can Do With Your iPhone

The Many Uses For The iPhone

The iPhone can do more then you think. This video introduces you to the many other cool things the iPhone can do that was never published.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Old Lady Tells Bank Off. Don't Make Old Ladies Mad.

Old Lady Tells Bank Off. Don't Make Old Ladies Mad.


Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity, which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact, which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number, which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

“YA JUST GOTTA LOVE” US SENIORS !!!!

AND REMEMBER: Don’t make old ladies mad. They don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to sent them off

Monday, February 4, 2008

10 best Super Bowl Ads of All Time


10 best Super Bowl ads of all time

By Peter Hartlaub
MSNBC contributor
updated 1:29 p.m. MT, Thurs., Feb. 1, 2007



Thirty-four years ago this month, Farrah Fawcett sensuously applied Noxzema to Joe Namath’s manly chin — touching off an escalating arms race of expensive Super Bowl commercials that have frequently been more entertaining than the games.

Last year, advertisers weren’t shy about spending $2.5 million on a 30-second commercial, but only the Budweiser “Magic Fridge” commercial came within striking distance of our Top 10 list.

Below are the best Super Bowl commercials of all time, the keys to their success and the prospects of the company after the spot aired. As you can see, just because people are still talking about an ad more than 20 years later doesn’t mean the product changed the world

10. Budweiser “Frogs” (1995): Three frogs, perched on a log outside a bar, croaking, “Bud … Weis … Errrrrr.”

What worked: The fact that Budweiser milks every commercial concept to death – does anyone doubt there will be a “Magic Fridge 2” this year? — makes it easy to forget how cool this ad was when you first heard it. The buildup was great, with an oddly infectious catchphrase.

The results: For better or worse, the frog ads and the spin-off lizard commercials made Budweiser — which was starting to become an old-guy drink — cool again for younger partiers.

9. Xerox “Monks” (1977): Faced with a hopelessly mundane copying job, Brother Dominic puts down his quill pen and turns to a Xerox 9200 duplicating system.

What worked: “Monks” seems a bit dated now, like watching NBA video from the early 1950s. But this was the George Mikan of early Super Bowl commercials, with a narrative style and series of punch lines that set the pioneering tone for hundreds of ads that followed.

The results: The promise to reproduce documents “at an incredible two pages per second” may not seem impressive now, but Xerox is now used as both a noun and a verb – the definition of a successful brand.

8. Tabasco “Mosquito” (1998): A mosquito tries to draw blood from a Tabasco-loving yokel — with explosive results.

What worked: The commercial was simple, funny and violent. With no dialogue, no music and only two characters (including the exploding insect), Tabasco memorably promoted its brand.

The results: Tabasco still hasn’t replaced ketchup in the condiment market, and probably never will. With its huge loyal following, does Tabasco even need commercials?

7. Electronic Data Systems “Herding Cats” (2000): A “Bonanza”-like family of cat herders talk about life on the range.

What worked: Kitties and cowboys made this a favorite for both kids and adults, but the near-seamless special effects were the real MVP. Advertiser EDS came back a year later with a similar formula, featuring the “Running of the Squirrels.”

The results: We still don’t know what EDS does, but it has 117,000 employees and just signed a $1.27 billion contract extension with the British Ministry of Defense — so the ad certainly didn’t hurt the company.

6. McDonald’s “The Showdown” (1993): Michael Jordan and Larry Bird engage in a physics-defying hoops-shooting contest for a Big Mac and fries.

What worked: Every basketball fan knows that Bird would win this contest 10 out of 10 times, but it was still a clever idea with a catchphrase that continues to pop up in “Horse” games. (“Over the second rafter, off the floor … nothing but net.”)

The results: This commercial seems to have blessed everyone involved. Jordan won three more championships and Bird transitioned into a solid career as a coach. And while salads and chicken products have been killing off the rest of the menu, the cholesterol-heavy Big Mac value meal remains an untouchable fast-food staple.

5. Monster.com “When I Grow Up …” (1999): A group of kids stare at the camera and declare their desire to “have a brown nose,” “be a yes man” and “claw my way up to middle management.”

What worked: Kids are cute, and even cuter when reciting lines such as, “When I grow up … I want to be forced into early retirement.” It was great brand recognition for the new company.

The results: Monster survived the dot-com implosion and despite a stock controversy in 2006 has become a prosperous company that employs close to 5,000 people worldwide.

4. Reebok “Terry Tate: Office Linebacker” (2003): To boost productivity, a CEO recruits a linebacker from Reebok to slam into a series of “Office Space”-style cubicle drones.

What worked: A series of brutal hits, punctuated by lines such as, “Break was over 15 minutes ago, Mitch!” made this the best Super Bowl ad of the last five years.

The results: Terry Tate got people talking about Reebok for something other than sweatshop controversies. The company provides shoes for all the major sports and hosts clothing lines for rappers Jay-Z and 50 Cent.

3. E*Trade “Monkey” (2000): Two dim-witted guys and a monkey clap to some cha-cha music in a garage, followed by the punch line: “Well we just wasted 2 million bucks. What are you doing with your money?”

What worked: Easily the cheapest ad of the year to produce, it was an instant classic —remaining self-deprecating about dot-com excess while lampooning the well-publicized cost of Super Bowl ad time.

The results: The marketing Gods have a way of punishing tech companies that blow too much money on flashy ads. (See: Pets.com. Or don’t. They haven’t been around since 2000.) E*Trade lost hundreds of millions of dollars in 2001 and 2002, and the company's shares — once trading at more than $60 — dropped below $3 in 2002. The company has since bounced back to profitability.

2. Coke “Mean Joe Greene” (1979): A kid offers his Coca-Cola to a battle-weary “Mean Joe” Greene — who softens up enough to toss his jersey as a reward.

What worked: A cute kid with a soft drink was the perfect foil for the surly Greene. Grown men still burst into tears when thinking about “Mean Joe” throwing that jersey.

The results: The ad became an instant pop culture classic, boosting Greene’s career. Among the offshoots was the inspiring “The Steeler and the Pittsburgh Kid” — perhaps the first hourlong TV movie in history to be based on a one-minute commercial.

1. Apple “1984” (1984): A jogger representing Apple throws a sledgehammer into a giant Big Brother image representing IBM — promising a populist shift in the future of personal computers.

What worked: With “Blade Runner” director Ridley Scott in charge, the ad generated more hype — and post-game water cooler talk — than any television commercial in history. Do you even remember who played in the Super Bowl in 1984? (L.A. Raiders and Washington.) You almost certainly remember the biggest Super Bowl ad of the year.

The results: The most storied Super Bowl ad of all time might have boosted sales of George Orwell books, hot red running shorts and sledgehammers. But it didn’t do much for the Macintosh — Apple continues to be the Reform Party of computer manufacturers. Maybe there was a storage locker filled with iPods behind that huge video screen?

Honorable mentions: Pepsi “Apartment 10G” (1987); Pepsi “Diner” (1995); Pepsi “Sucked in” (1995); Mountain Dew “Bad Cheetah” (2000); Budweiser “Magic Fridge” (2006).

Peter Hartlaub covers pop culture for the San Francisco Chronicle
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